The Cat Food Chronicles
Maya Pruett
language
(Worthington Press Publishing House, Sept. 11, 2012)
DEATH ... DRAMA ... DIVAS ... MEoOOW!An award winning novel about two psychic sisters, one psychic cat, an irkily handsome detective, and a dead celebutante! (Humorous Fiction 16 & up) Some strong language.Synopsis:Following in the footsteps of Britney, Lindsay and the likes, Callie Bryant,Hollywood's newest bad girl, comes to town as the lead in the muchawaited Romeo and Juliet ... the rock opera.When Callie actually dies on stage, Lily, Holly and Spooky (two psychic sisters and one psychic cat) get together with the irkily handsome, yet musically inclined Detective Richardson to solve thecrime.Set in San Francisco, The Cat Food Chronicles is a story of cats, crime, cuisine, and lol comedy.Read More:Chapter OneSpookyI know this sounds weird, but I canread lips. Of course, you're probably thinking, why would a cat want to readlips? A fair question and the answer is I don't. The fact is, I can't hear sogreat. I can read minds though; how's that for a wing-dinger? Yep, I'mtelepathic, so really the hearing impediment thing isn't much of a problem, andwell, actually I tend to only read lips if I'm preoccupied. Guess who waspreoccupied?I was all curled up on the Lazyboyunder the big palm watching my favorite show on the boob tube. Lily was on thephone, imagine that, and things were getting a little nutty for Batman and theBoy Wonder.It seems Batman and the Boy Wonderwere just about to be sawn in half when I happened to glance up to see Lily saythat she needed a CAT Scan. At first, I thought she said 'cat scam'; I mean,who would she need me to scam? I'm not that kind of cat anyway, how dare sheeven insinuate such a thing. But then she said it again."Yes, I'm sure, Holly, a CAT Scan!"Holy scantonese noodles, Batman,what the hell do you think I need to be scanned for? I've got all my shots.I've been de-wormed twice this year, and this is the fourth time I have made myclaws grow back.I can make my claws grow back. Ihave serious mental powers, plus I read a book by Ernest Holmes called TheScience of the Mind, which gave me some great ideas like growing my clawsback. I'd recommend it to Oprah.I hopped off the Lazyboy and went intothe kitchen and circled around Lily's legs, but Lily just kept blabbing awayabout scanning me. I glanced at the TV where a giant maniacal saw was whirlingsteadily toward the dynamic duo. It was too much; I couldn't concentrate; CATScan overload--so I beat it out of there.I sprinted out into the cool nightair, glad to be away from even the idea of a scanning. I was hungry, as usual,which meant I needed a San Francisco treat, and let me tell you, I wasn'tthinking about Rice a Roni. I licked my soon to be grubby little paws and mademy way down the north-face fire escape.I live in an area that many yearsago housed dockworkers and fisherman. The area is called Telegraph Hill, andthere are a lot of cats in the neighborhood.The building I live in is called TheOld Brown. Lily and Holly inherited it. They're lucky as hell too, boy,because this is prime San Francisco real estate. We more or less remodeled TheOld Brown ourselves. It took us about twelve years. Holly lives up top andLily lives bottom side.I was thinking that it's alwaysnice to get out of the house when I came to The Greenwich Stairs. I lookedaround really good; the coast seemed clear but, just in case, I shot down 'emlike a rocket.The stairs are The Greenwich StreetStairs, and they're famous. About three months ago, some ass-lip kicked me downthem and my ribs still hurt from the tumble. Humans are often cruel. Anyway, Idon't want to think about that. I want to think about Batman.