Books with title The Unwitchy Witch

"A Sweet Valley Twins Evil Parody" Did you read, and have a love-hate relationship with, Sweet Valley books in the mid-80s to late 90s? Do you also have an affinity for fantasy and horror? Then this parody is for you. All the kids at Saccharin Valley Middle School say the Morrison mansion is haunted. So when Fallon Morrison moves into the crumbling Victorian house, the rumors spread fast. Jessica Wastefeld and her friends are convinced that the new girl is a witch. But Jessica’s identical twin sister, Elizabeth, is sure that Fallon is just an ordinary girl. She’s determined to stick up for her new friend. Fallon has her own agenda, especially when Jessica and her friends start being mean to her. Is Fallon really a witch? Well, duh. The Witch is a "horror-parody" of books I used to read obsessively as a child and later realized are awful. The Witch combines elements of satire and horror, and is kind of meta. If it sounds familiar, it's inspired by the third book in the actual series, but I took its premise and twisted it beyond recognition, because the original plot really annoyed me. Added original characters (whom you’ll have met in Book One). More books in my fake series to come. The original series were aimed at preteen girls, and this book is based on the particular series where the twins are young enough to encounter supernatural events (many of their “Super Chillers” were ghost stories). So while there’s no blatant sexuality or violence, and it follows the rules of the original series, it might be better appreciated by someone 13 or older (especially women in their 30s). There’s definitely some dark humor, and “magical” violence.

Everybody has a story that they can tell,This is about a witch who couldn't cast a spellTitch desperately wants to create a new and exciting spell but she's having trouble!With the help of her cat and a magical wishing well Titch creates a spell full of surprises.With beautiful illustrations by the author, this is a charming book full of magic that will appeal to any little witch (or wizard)!

Everybody has a story that they can tell,This is about a witch who couldn't cast a spellTitch desperately wants to create a new and exciting spell but she's having trouble!With the help of her cat and a magical wishing well Titch creates a spell full of surprises.With beautiful illustrations by the author, this is a charming book full of magic that will appeal to any little witch (or wizard)!

Example of this ebookCHAPTER ITHE QUEEN’S CHAMBERIt was said that the Queen was dying. She lay at Richmond, in the palace looking out upon the wintry, wooded, March-shaken park, but London, a few miles away, had daily news of how she did. There was much talk about her—the old Queen—much telling of stories and harking back. She had had a long reign—“Not far from fifty years, my masters!”—and in it many important things had happened. The crowd in the streets, the barge and wherry folk upon the wind-ruffled river, the roisterers in the taverns drinking ale or sack, merchants and citizens in general talking of the times in the intervals of business, old soldiers and seamen ashore, all manner of folk, indeed, agreed upon the one most important thing. The most important thing had been the scattering of the Armada fifteen years before. That disposed of, opinions differed as to the next most important. The old soldiers were for all fighting wherever it had occurred. The seamen and returned adventurers threw for the voyages of Drake and Frobisher and Gilbert and Raleigh. With these were inclined to agree the great merchants and guild-masters who were venturing in the East India and other joint-stock companies. The little merchant and guild fellows agreed with the great. A very large number of all classes claimed for the overthrow of Popery the first place. On the other hand, a considerable number either a little hurriedly slurred this, or else somewhat too anxiously and earnestly supported the assertion. One circle, all churchmen, lauded the Act of Uniformity, and the pains and penalties provided alike for Popish recusant and non-conforming Protestant. Another circle, men of a serious cast of countenance and of a growing simplicity in dress, left the Act of Uniformity in obscurity, and after the deliverance from the Pope, made the important happening the support given the Protestant principle in France and the Netherlands. A few extreme loyalists put in a claim for the number of conspiracies unearthed and trampled into nothingness—Scottish conspiracies, Irish conspiracies, Spanish conspiracies, Westmoreland and Northumberland conspiracies, Throgmorton conspiracies—the death of the Queen of Scots, the death, two years ago, of Essex.All agreed that the Queen had had a stirring reign—all but the latter end of it. The last few years—despite Irish affairs—had been dull and settled, a kind of ditch-water stagnation, a kind of going downhill. Fifty years, almost, was a long time for one person to reign....On a time the Queen had been an idol and a cynosure—for years the love of a people had been warm about her. It had been a people struggling to become a nation, beset with foreign foes and inner dissensions, battling for a part in new worlds and realms. She had led the people well, ruled well, come out with them into the Promised Land. And now there was a very human dissatisfaction with the Promised Land, for the streams did not run milk and honey nor were the sands golden. As humanly, the dissatisfaction involved the old Queen. She could not have been, after all, the Queen that they had thought her.... After crying for so many years “Long live Queen Elizabeth!” there would come creeping into mind a desire for novelty. King James,—King James! The words sounded well, and promised, perhaps, the true Golden Age. But they were said, of course, under breath. The Queen was not dead yet.To be continue in this ebook...

Excerpt from The WitchAll agreed that the Queen had had a stirring reign all but the latter end of it. The last few years despite Irish afl'airs had been dull and settled, a kind of ditch-water stagnation, a kind of going downhill. Fifty years, almost, was a long time for one person to reign.About the PublisherForgotten Books publishes hundreds of thousands of rare and classic books. Find more at www.forgottenbooks.comThis book is a reproduction of an important historical work. Forgotten Books uses state-of-the-art technology to digitally reconstruct the work, preserving the original format whilst repairing imperfections present in the aged copy. In rare cases, an imperfection in the original, such as a blemish or missing page, may be replicated in our edition. We do, however, repair the vast majority of imperfections successfully; any imperfections that remain are intentionally left to preserve the state of such historical works.

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