Books with author Rob Johnson

“It’s not every day that you see some old granny crushed to death under a baby grand piano, and I’m truly grateful for that. I really am. But the even bigger shock was that this woman – a complete stranger – would be coming back to haunt me in the days to come. Not in a spooky, walking-through-walls kind of way but something a lot more real and far more dangerous.”When sacked bank manager turned bank robber Max Dempsey (aka Simon Golightly) finds himself deep in debt to dodgy undertaker Danny Bishop, he’s prepared to do almost anything to pay it off and keep all of his fingers.But he’s likely to lose a lot more than his fingers when he agrees to do a “little job” for Danny and unintentionally crosses psychopathic Greek gangster, Nikos Spiropoulos.Meanwhile, Bernard Pemberton and his granddaughter Tess are on a road trip to scatter their beloved Dottie’s ashes on a Scottish hilltop, but is it really her ashes in the cremation urn or something else altogether?Cremains is a crime caper that twists and turns its way towards a conclusion that even Max himself couldn’t have predicted.

“Fabulously funny - a real must for lovers of all things Greek.”After living in Greece for thirteen years, writer and reluctant olive farmer Rob Johnson has got used to most of the things that he and his partner Penny found so bizarre at the beginning. Most, but not all.A Kilo of String is the story-so-far of this not-particularly-plucky couple’s often bewildering experiences among the descendants of Sophocles, Plato and Nana Mouskouri with occasional digressions into total irrelevances.This is a book which is almost guaranteed not to change your life, but what it will do is answer many of the fundamental questions about life in Greece, such as:How do you avoid ordering a double tomato for your pine marten when booking a hotel room? Should olive harvesting be registered with the Dangerous Sports Association? Why are chicken livers useful (other than to the chickens themselves)?Oh yes, and there are some serious bits too about how life in Greece has changed since the beginning of the economic crisis.“A brilliant book, very funny and a great insight into Greece and its people.”“Left me laughing so hard I would have spat out my dentures, if I wore them.”A Kilo of String is loosely based on Rob Johnson’s podcast series of the same name, which is free to listen to and download at https://rob-johnson.org.uk/podcasts/a-kilo-of-string/.

WANTED: Gainful employment of an adventurous nature but without risk of personal physical harm. (Can supply own time travel machine if required.)When Horace Tweed places an advertisement in a national magazine, the last thing he expects is to be commissioned to travel back through time in search of the long extinct Holey* Snail.But this isn’t just any old snail. The helix pertusa is possessed of an extraordinary and highly desirable property, and Horace’s quest leads him and his co-adventurers to Ancient Greece and a variety of near-death encounters with beings both mythological and not so mythological.Meanwhile, Detective Chief Inspector Harper Collins has her hands full trying to track down a secret order of fundamentalist monks whom she suspects of committing a series of murders – the same monks who are determined to thwart Horace in his......Quest for the Holey Snail.“Not just another book about serial-killing monks who travel through time and wear Union Jack flip-flops.” – Unusual Footwear Monthly(* This isn’t a spelling mistake. The Holey Snail is so called because there are hundreds of tiny holes all over its shell.)PLEASE NOTE: Quest for the Holey Snail is not part of Rob Johnson’s Lifting the Lid series.

VOLUME TWO in the WOOD COW CHRONICLES series.For untold ages, the Granite Hulks at Tilk Duraow have been the impregnable center of the High One’s slaving system. Overpowering. Impenetrable. Final. The point from which there is no return. But now, fifteen-year-old Helga’s revolution—one she hardly expected to begin—is way bigger than she ever dreamed. Tilk Duraow itself is in danger. Unexpectedly finding common cause with a troupe of oddball characters, Helga and old comrades are reunited in a chain of events that portends the Overending. Now even the High One himself is no longer safe. The Overending opens a crack…Rick Johnson’s slightly skewed reality brings readers another mind-bending, genre-busting adventure. Fantastic and quirky, exhilarating and addicting, this entertaining adventure takes readers on a wild ride that they will never want to end. Ridiculous, but deadly serious. Hits you hard in the funnies, while turning your mind inside out.

VOLUME ONE in the WOOD COW CHRONICLES series.Helga has more danger in her life than most beasts her age—Wrackshee slavers after her, a vicious attack by bandits that nearly kills her, a race against dragons pursuing her, and leading a daring rebellion to save her life and rescue friends and family from the insidious WooZan. And that is just the beginning. But what do you expect when you are a young beast who just can’t see the stupid rules of the world making any sense? Helga can’t accept things as they are and ends up taking on not just one, but two all-powerful, supreme tyrants in two different realms. Helga never intended to lead a revolution. It just sort of happened because she wouldn’t go along with the “rules of normal” that keep tyrants in power and entire societies enslaved. Beginning on a dangerous quest to solve some mysteries in her own past, Helga leads her quirky comrades on a journey that will not only forever change them, but upset ancient civilizations. As an author, I’m drawn to eccentric, unexpected characters: those who surprise because they hear a distant galaxy, see a different music, create their own fragrance rather than get hooked on a soundtrack; the child who has her own ideas about how the emperor is dressed; the lunatics and rebels who tell stories on the boundaries. Helga’s unusual story will take readers to worlds they never imagined—definitely a whole new ride.Time and again, the unconventional heroine and her eccentric comrades overcome ominous tyrants and black-hearted slavers, not by battling to the last beast standing, but by being the first beast to think differently. Helga: Out of Hedgelands is divided into three books which introduce the epic saga of the Wood Cow clan and their role in overturning centuries of slavery and tyranny. This story will continue in additional volumes of the Wood Cow Chronicles now in development. Over the series of current and future volumes, the entire history of the Wood Cow clan, the fall of Maev Astuté, and the coming of Lord Farseeker to the Outer Rings, will be told.

Islandia had been without a High King for a generation. Eloy, the last High King, embarked upon a journey shrouded in mystery after a cryptic warning found from a long lost prophet promised a return of ancient dark forces. Eloy had placed the rule of Islandia and the five kingdoms in the hands of his closest friend, King Richard. After thirty years most have long since stopped looking for Eloy's return or the darkness foretold. Many under Richard's rule have grown discontent and jealous of his appointment. All hope for peace is lost and chaos reigns after the icy hand of an assassin takes the life of King Richard and plucks him from the throne. What now? Will Prince Titus, Richard's son, have the strength to hold Islandia together, or will it descend into war over the High King's throne! The kingdom is divided by the sword as each must decide where their loyalties lie.

Islandia had been without a High King for a generation. Eloy, the last High King, embarked upon a journey shrouded in mystery after a cryptic warning found from a long lost prophet promised a return of ancient dark forces. Eloy had placed the rule of Islandia and the five kingdoms in the hands of his closest friend, King Richard. After thirty years most have long since stopped looking for Eloy's return or the darkness foretold. Many under Richard's rule have grown discontent and jealous of his appointment. All hope for peace is lost and chaos reigns after the icy hand of an assassin takes the life of King Richard and plucks him from the throne. What now? Will Prince Titus, Richard’s son, have the strength to hold Islandia together, or will it descend into war over the High King’s throne! The kingdom is divided by the sword as each must decide where their loyalties lie. -Experience an edge of your seat thrill ride as each kingdom of Islandia seeks to carve out their own rule-Explore a tale of loyalty and lordship

Asking for help is only the first step Jennifer can’t go on like this—binging, purging, starving, all while trying to appear like she’s got it all together. But when she finally confesses her secret to her parents and is hospitalized at the Samuel Tuke Center, her journey is only beginning. As Jennifer progresses through her treatment, she learns to recognize her relationships with food, friends, and family—and how each relationship is healthy or unhealthy. She has to learn to trust herself and her own instincts, but that’s easier than it sounds. She has to believe—after many years of being a believarexic. Using her trademark dark humor and powerful emotion, J. J. Johnson tells an inspiring story that is based on her own experience of being hospitalized for an eating disorder as a teenager. The innovative format—which tells Jennifer’s story through blank verse and prose, with changes in tense and voice, and uses forms, workbooks, and journal entries—mirrors the protagonist’s progress toward a healthy body and mind.

“It’s not every day that you see some old granny crushed to death under a baby grand piano, and I’m truly grateful for that. I really am. But the even bigger shock was that this woman – a complete stranger – would be coming back to haunt me in the days to come. Not in a spooky, walking-through-walls kind of way but something a lot more real and far more dangerous.”When sacked bank manager turned bank robber Max Dempsey (aka Simon Golightly) finds himself deep in debt to dodgy undertaker Danny Bishop, he’s prepared to do almost anything to pay it off and keep all of his fingers.But he’s likely to lose a lot more than his fingers when he agrees to do a “little job” for Danny and unintentionally crosses psychopathic Greek gangster, Nikos Spiropoulos.Meanwhile, Bernard Pemberton and his granddaughter Tess are on a road trip to scatter their beloved Dottie’s ashes on a Scottish hilltop, but is it really her ashes in the cremation urn or something else altogether?Cremains is a crime caper that twists and turns its way towards a conclusion that even Max himself couldn’t have predicted.