Books with author Matthew Parker

Judson is a normal, eleven-year-old boy. Then, one night, something magical happens. When an unusual creature whispers in Judson’s ear, he suddenly transforms into a tiny, eight-legged arachnid. As he faces danger at every turn, Judson quickly learns that being a spider is not as easy as it looks. Wild animals, the family cat, and even his little sister seem determined to ruin his day. When the world around him looks hopeless, Judson learns the magic inside of him grants a unique advantage…Follow Judson in this exciting guide to surviving life as a spider. The thrilling adventures and side-splitting humor will captivate even the most reluctant reader and is perfect for children of all ages.

'He's 100% political herpes. Back in six months whatever you do. Or three days, like last time.' Camilla Long on Nigel Farage'You're as ugly as a salad.' Bulgarian insult'I'm going to beat him so bad he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on.' Muhammed AliThere's no pleasure like a perfectly turned put-down (when it's directed at somebody else, of course) but Matthew Parris's Scorn is sharply different from the standard collections. Here are the funniest, sharpest, rudest and most devastating insults in history, from ancient Roman graffiti to the battlefields of Twitter. Drawing on bile from such masters as Dorothy Parker, Elizabeth I, Donald Trump, Groucho Marx, Princess Anne, Winston Churchill, Nigel Farage, Mae West and Alastair Campbell - which form an exchange between voices down the ages - Scorn shows that abuse can be an art form. This collection includes extended literary invective as well as short verbal shin-kicks. Encompassing literature, art, politics, showbiz, marriage, gender, nationality and religion, Matthew Parris's sublime collection is the perfect companion for the festive season, whether you're searching for the perfect elegant riposte, the rudest polite letter ever written, or a brutal verbal sledgehammer.

To those who travel there today, the West Indies are unspoiled paradise islands. Yet that image conceals a turbulent and shocking history. For some two hundred years after 1650, the West Indies were the strategic center of the Western world's greatest power struggles as Europeans made and lost immense fortunes growing and trading in sugar-a commodity so lucrative it became known as "white gold." Matthew Parker vividly chronicles how the wealth of her island colonies became the foundation and focus of England's commercial and imperial greatness, underpinning the British economy and ultimately fueling the Industrial Revolution. Yet with the incredible wealth came untold misery: the horror endured by slaves, on whose backs the sugar empire was brutally built; the rampant disease that claimed the lives of one-third of all whites within three years of arrival in the Caribbean; the cruelty, corruption, and decadence of the plantation culture. Broad in scope, rich in detail, The Sugar Barons freshly links the histories of Europe, the West Indies, and North America and reveals the full impact of the sugar revolution, the resonance of which is still felt today.

To those who travel there today, the West Indies are unspoiled paradise islands. Yet that image conceals a turbulent and shocking history. For some 200 years after 1650, the West Indies were the strategic center of the western world, witnessing one of the greatest power struggles of the age as Europeans made and lost immense fortunes growing and trading in sugar-a commodity so lucrative it became known as "white gold." As Matthew Parker vividly chronicles in his sweeping history, the sugar revolution made the English, in particular, a nation of voracious consumers-so much so that the wealth of her island colonies became the foundation and focus of England's commercial and imperial greatness, underpinning the British economy and ultimately fueling the Industrial Revolution. Yet with the incredible wealth came untold misery: the horror endured by slaves, on whose backs the sugar empire was brutally built; the rampant disease that claimed the lives of one-third of all whites within three years of arrival in the Caribbean; the cruelty, corruption, and decadence of the plantation culture.While sugar came to dictate imperial policy, for those on the ground the British West Indian empire presented a disturbing moral universe. Parker brilliantly interweaves the human stories of those since lost to history whose fortunes and fame rose and fell with sugar. Their industry drove the development of the North American mainland states, and with it a slave culture, as the plantation model was exported to the warm, southern states. Broad in scope, rich in detail, The Sugar Barons freshly links the histories of Europe, the West Indies, and North America and reveals the full impact of the sugar revolution, the resonance of which is still felt today.

Judson is a normal, eleven-year-old boy. Then, one night, something magical happens When an unusual creature whispers in Judson’s ear, he suddenly transforms into a tiny, eight-legged arachnid. As he faces danger at every turn, Judson quickly learns that being a spider is not as easy as it looks. Wild animals, the family cat, and even his little sister seem determined to ruin his day. When the world around him looks hopeless, Judson learns the magic inside of him grants a unique advantage… Follow Judson in this exciting guide to surviving life as a spider. The thrilling adventures and side-splitting humor will captivate even the most reluctant reader and is perfect for children of all ages.

Millie doesn’t want to save the world. She doesn’t want to lead a team of superheroes, and she doesn’t want to fight monsters on Saturdays. But she has been chosen to lead the Secret Defenders of Earth, whether she likes it or not.When giant creatures attack city hall or when asteroids hurtle toward Earth, Millie must lead an untrained (and reluctant) team of middle school heroes into battle, all while trying to avoid being late for math class. To make matters worse, her mysterious mentor is completely insane and seems determined to get her and her team into as much trouble as possible.Then there’s the evil mastermind known as The Baron, who won’t stop until the Secret Defenders are destroyed and Earth is his for the taking. When he unleashes an army of monsters on the city of Calamityville, Millie must become the leader she was born to be, or watch The Baron take over the world.Author’s note: Children today are reading less and less, choosing instead to watch TV shows, stream movies, or play video games. But nothing will spark a child’s imagination like a good book. If your kids enjoy watching Marvel superhero movies, browsing funny videos, or spending hours on Fortnite, grab a copy of Magnificent Millie and the Secret Defenders of Earth. The side-splitting humor and page-turning action will keep even the most reluctant reader enthralled from cover to cover.This volume contains Episodes 1-4 of the Middle School Heroes series, including…Episode 1: The Giant Pink Slime MonsterEpisode 2: The Creepiest Doll EverEpisode 3: ExtinctionEpisode 4: Facing the BaronRecommended for ages 9-12. Contains mild, cartoon-style violence and suspense.

Mildred Stears has all the responsibilities of a regular middle school student: she has to finish her homework, pack her lunch, make it to class on time, and stay awake during math class. But, unlike most of her classmates, she is in charge of a secret team of superheroes. Superheroes that are responsible for defending Earth against total annihilation. Which is just as stressful as it sounds.Join Millie and her friends as they battle an enormous slime monster that threatens to drown the city in pink goo. The hilarious, cartoon-style action is appropriate for children of all ages, and the page-turning suspense will keep early and intermediate readers enthralled from start to finish.

There's no pleasure like a perfectly turned put-down (when it's directed at somebody else, of course) but Matthew Parris's Scorn is sharply different from the standard collections. Here are the funniest, sharpest, rudest and most devastating insults in history, from ancient Roman graffiti to the battlefields of Twitter. Drawing on bile from such masters as Dorothy Parker, Elizabeth I, Donald Trump, Groucho Marx, Princess Anne, Winston Churchill, Nigel Farage, Mae West and Alastair Campbell - which form an exchange between voices down the ages - Scorn shows that abuse can be an art form. This collection includes extended literary invective as well as short verbal shin-kicks. Encompassing literature, art, politics, showbiz, marriage, gender, nationality and religion, Matthew Parris's sublime collection is the perfect companion whether you're searching for the perfect elegant riposte, the rudest polite letter ever written, or a brutal verbal sledgehammer.