Kinda Sorta Storytime: Volume #1

The stories you'll find in this book are relatively true accounts of some of the experiences from my life. Rather than trying to explain just what sort of things you're likely to find in here, here's an example for you to judge instead:

Back when I was undertaking my Education degree I became friends with a guy…whose name I don’t remember. I remember what he looked like, but have absolutely no idea what his name was. We were both studying teaching, I’m pretty sure, and whenever we got together we used to converse about stupid things. He was fairly entertaining to talk to. For the most part he seemed intelligent, but there was this one time when he demonstrated a profound lack of common sense that clearly gave away the fact that he was, well, a bit of an idiot.
Okay, so the two of us were standing at the bus stop, waiting to catch the bus out to the university. We were chatting away as per usual, talking crap and the like, when, for no apparent reason, he puts his hands on my shoulders and pulled his head back. Something clicked in my brain and I knew exactly what it was he was going to do: he was getting ready to head-butt me.
Now, before we get into this particular story I should explain what brought about this keen understanding of what was about to happen. I was in my year 7 Japanese class when this kid, Luke, wandered up to me, said a few words, pulled his head back slightly and then smacked his head into mine. There was a solid ‘clonk’ as our heads connected…but it didn’t hurt. It just kind of nudged me back a little. See, he was taller than me, so his forehead hit that really solid part of my skull around where my hairline starts (don’t use that as a guideline if you’re bald – it won’t work for you). I merely gave the kid a confused look and we went about whatever it was we were doing. A couple of minutes later he asked me if what he did had hurt. I said that it didn’t. He rubbed his forehead and said, “Man, it really hurt me.” I was amused, and thought he was an idiot for managing to hurt himself.
Anyway, back to this story. Head back, ready to swing. Instinct dictated that I tilt my head forward so he wouldn’t hit me in any sensitive spots. I tilted, he brought his head forward with a considerable amount of force, and our heads collided with a loud ‘thunk’. He recoiled sharply, clasped his hands over his head, mouth dropped open and he screamed silently for a few seconds before letting out a strangled cry of pain.
You know when someone hurts themselves and they do that little ‘Oh, God, it hurts!’ dance? That’s what he did. I hadn’t laughed so hard in weeks. He eventually managed to say, “Didn’t that hurt you?” I merely shook my head, laughed some more and said, “Nope. Barely felt a thing.” And I wasn’t lying. It merely felt like someone had tapped me gently on the head. Needless to say, he didn’t do it again. Actually, he kept some degree of distance from me after that. I’m not sure what sort of retaliation he thought I would offer, but I doubt it would have been as amusing or appropriate as him hurting himself the way he did.
Oh, and before anyone gets any bright ideas, no, this does not give you permission to randomly come up and smack me on the head. This was merely me talking about an amusing incident where I, surprisingly, failed to get hurt. Which would probably be a first, considering all the times I’ve injured myself over the past 30 years.

If you enjoyed that story, there are many more like it in this book. Even if you don't feel inclined to pick it up, I hope you enjoyed the story here.